When one of my BFF’s from college announced that she was pregnant with her first child at the age of 27, my stomach dropped. Now, I had other friends who had babies, but this time things were different. She and I had everything in common. We were both music performance majors together, have an unhealthy obsession with Janet Jackson, and possess the same appetite for adventure. In fact, her pregnancy is the indirect result of one of our most infamous National Lampoon worthy adventures which we affectionately call “the quest for fun” when she met her now husband 12 years ago. A few months later when she announced her pregnancy, after the initial shock wore off, I wasn’t sure how to feel. If i’m being honest, my first thoughts were, “Wow, no more dropping it like it’s hot at the club for us, or random texting throughout the day, or crashing at her apartment after a drunken night out.” How selfish of me, right? I couldn’t instantly grasp the concept that another wonderful life is about to enter the word. All I could think about was losing life as I knew it with my BFF and fearing that we wouldn't have anything in common anymore.

A week before her baby shower I went out shopping at Wal-Mart for her some baby gifts. As I was wondering through the isles, somewhere between the breast pumps and the changing tables, I felt my chest tighten and It became harder to breathe. I was having a full-fledged panic attack! I quickly grabbed the closest high chair and got the hell out of there as fast as I could. When I finally was far enough away and was able to gain my composure, I looked back at the baby section from a distance and thought to myself “Hell Naw!”. It was at that moment I realized just how much I DO NOT want children.

Parents are superheros. Bringing forth life in the form of another human being is probably the greatest miracle and responsibility in the Universe, which is why I’m surprised so many people take that decision lightly. Yes, I said “decision”. Unless by some form of forced non-consensual coercion, we actively make the choice to reproduce, especially in this day and age. My father once told me “Women have everything available to them. You hold the power. If you don’t wanna be pregnant, you ain't gotta be pregnant.” That always stuck with me. God knew what he was doing when he made me. I have a condition called PCOS which makes getting pregnant very difficult and when it does happen, it often results in miscarriage. In my 41 years of navigating through this life of mine, I’ve never truly felt any inclination towards motherhood. I can’t even imagine myself as someone’s mother.

This country hates single people without children and we’re punished on a daily basis for it. No tax breaks, or government assistance for us. Folks don’t even pity us. When I say I’m having hard time, the first thing out of someone’s mouth is ‘Just be glad you don’t have any children.” These are the same people will turn around and ask “When you gon’ have some kids?” then gasp and call me selfish for responding with “Never”. Why “never”? It’s difficult to explain without sounding insensitive. If you're curious and really need me to provide a reason, you're in luck because I can give you 10!

1. I’m not rich…...yet.

I feel like I need child support payments, and I don’t even have a child! I am my OWN child. One of the worst feelings ever for an adult is going to work every single day and barely having enough money to meet your basic needs. This is my reality. Did you hear that? I CAN BARELY MEET MY OWN BASIC NEEDS with a college degree, almost 20 years work experience, a full-time job working for a trillion-dollar company, and living by myself in the United States, in 2021!! However, I still make too much money to qualify for any assistance. Right now, as I type, I have to decide what’s more important- eating or having a lime green recliner to watch Netflix on, because I cannot afford both (the recliner is a measly $200). Why would I wanna subject a child to the possibility of having to make such life decisions? I had to budget to afford the basic 8.99/month Netflix subscription in the first place to watch on the $300 TV it took me 7 months to save for. I read somewhere on Facebook that it costs roughly $250K to raise a child from birth to 17 years old, and there are some of you out here having more than one? How, Sway? Where do y’all work? What’s y’alls side hustles and can you adopt me? Are there adoption agencies for grown adults? Adulting and living on your own is hard enough. I can’t imagine having to be solely financially responsible for another human being other than myself for 18 years. I just ain’t got it like that….at least not yet. And even if I did have it like that, I STILL ain’t got like that. Even Alice Walton (who makes Oprah’s bank account look like mine and can literally buy every man, woman, and child on the planet a Popeye’s chicken sandwich w/ a drink and a biscuit for lunch RIGHT NOW if she wanted to) doesn’t have children. Maybe that’s why she’s a billionaire.

2. A selfish Act of cruelty?

There’s another article I read on Facebook recently about a guy who sued his parents for having him without his consent. I FELT THAT! Children do NOT ask to be here. I truly believe it’s cruel to bring forth life just to kick them out into the world to be subjected to a lifetime of paying bills, all just because I wanted to get MY freak on. Who in their right mind would ask for that? the retirement age was just extended to 70 years old! If the universal belief is that souls spirits pre-exist out there in the cosmos, I’d rather my would-be child live in THAT existence where they can truly be free. Living as a spirit in heaven without the confinement of an aging body that has to pay to merely exist in this world. We are all slaves to this “matrix”. I would want my child to be valued by the kind of person they are and not not by some numbers in a bank account, which is almost impossible in this capitalistic society.

3. I value sleep.

My mother once told me that you never sleep the same way again once you have children. I LOVE sleep! I love it so much that I dream about sleeping. That’s all.

4. Never visualized myself as a mom.

Whatever that divinely implanted mechanism is in the female brain that induces the desire to be a mother is called, I don’t have it. Some may call this a biological clock. I don’t have one. Sure, I played with babydolls as a little girl, but they were my imaginary friends and not my imaginary children. Besides. It was always ingrained in my psyche since I was a child that having children will ruin my life by my own mother. I just took her word for it. I'm sure she's happy I listened to her for once.

5. I love too hard.

I have an addictive personality. So when I love something, I tend to go overboard. In middle school, I had a thing for flavored lip balm. While most girls probably had maybe two or three at the most. ME?? I had 67 different flavors. If the love parents have for their children is like they say it is, I DON’T WANT NO PARTS! I’m sure I would be overwhelmed and over the top and that’s no good for a person like me. It is said that too much of anything is bad for you. Well I think I would ruin my kid by loving him or her too much. I’m sparing some soul in heaven the future embarrassment of their mom screaming “AAAAH! THAT’s my baby!” at their kindergarten dance recital while yielding a neon sign with their name on it. And what if I actually enjoyed it? Motherhood that is. I’m not trying to be the next Octomom.

6. Horror Stories from Friends

“They cut my cervix with scissors”, “I threw up and pooped at the same time while I was pushing”, “I got an infection in my boobs while breast feeding” “I almost died”.....Just some of the things I’ve heard about child birth from women I know who have children. Why would I voluntarily go through this?

7. I’m a free spirit.

I don’t want to have anyone or anything that I am responsible for keeping alive...not a pet, plant, goldfish, NOTHING! It’s hard enough keeping myself alive and well. I need to be able to do what I want, when I want, with whoever I want without considering anyone or anything else. When kids infiltrate, you are no longer in control of your life. THEY ARE! Ain’t nobody got time for that. It’s bad enough I have a boss at work that throws tantrums. I don’t need a tiny boss at home who throws spaghetti across the room.

8. Kids are like a box of chocolates.

Unless you adopt, you have no idea what you’re gonna get! Even with adoption, there are no guarentees. That is terrifying! With today’s technology we can know ahead of time the sex of a baby, or whether the baby will have any defects, etc. But that’s not enough for me. Once you decide to have a child, there is no turning back! There is no return policy and you can’t change your mind. It's the uncertainty for me. You get what you get and have to deal with it. if I can’t insure having a girl, no thanks! I don’t want to take any chances.

9. I don't want to grow up.

I have bills to remind me that I am an adult everyday. But to have to pay bills AND cultivate little humans into decent productive human beings in society is a whole different ball game altogether. It's the ultimate responsibility and as a full grown adult I would have to take accountability for how they turned out. THATS TRUE ADULTING! I don't think I'll ever be ready for that. I'm still busy raising my inner child.

10. Fear of dying.

When I was 5 years old, I overheard a conversation about being dead 6 feet under ground with worms eating your body. I was forever traumatized. Ever since then, I’ve had a deep-rooted fear of death. So much so, that I resented ever being born in the first place. To be given life just to inevitably lose it someday without any certainty about what happens afterwards is a total mind f*ck. I don't want to subject anyone to that. Besides, dying even costs money. It all seems so unfair!

Now don’t get me wrong. None of this means that I don’t like children. As a matter if fact, I love children so much that I think they deserve better than this f*cked up world. Since my BFF became a mom, we’ve had ups and downs in our friendship, and that’s to be expected as our parallel priorities in life hit a fork in the road. We had to go on our own separate adventures. But as true friends do, we found our way back to each other on this convoluted “Journee” through life. She is now a wife and the kick ass mom of two beautiful girls . The first of which was named after our Idol. I’m now divorced, single, and living alone. While living through my own adventure, I had to learn that we will always have each other in common and I’m thankful she’s given me a another Janet to kirk out over. That’s enough for me.