Dirty Thirty (Part 4: The Finale)

Now, I'm back on the road again with Bambi Eyes. There is complete silence, not even background noise from the radio. As I stoically gaze out of the car window, I eventually notice we're heading back towards 95 north, but I still remain silent. We go further and further north until eventually we pass the mall exit where I spent the day earlier. Anyone who knows the Baltimore Metropolitan area knows that there is no action happening in MD north of the White Marsh exit. Still, I remain silent. Not to mention I was starving since I barely had a chance to eat. We keep traveling further north until we end up back in front of my parent's house. Does anyone remember that part in the Blair Witch Project when they were lost in the woods, hiked around ALL day long trying to find their way out, but ended up back at the same log where they started? "Omg, is that the same log!?...It's the same log," Heather said. Yes, my parent's house was the same log.

Me: "Why are we back here now?"

Bambi Eyes: *gazes at me with the eyes*

Me: "Ok"

Side note: My parents have a split level house built in the 70s. The décor hasn't changed in over 30 years. There's still wood paneling in the basement, pastel mauve colored carpeting, and mirrors EVERYWHERE you turn.

I slowly turn the knob to the front door, this time with caution because really, there must be something CRAZY about to happen. I open the door and standing at the top of the stairs is Supernova. I turn to the right and I see Bambi Eyes' mom sitting on the couch dressed like Winnie Mandela. I turn to left and see my own refection in the mirrored wall and hanging on the stair railing by the stairs in some type of big, round, off-white paper flower decoration.

Supernova: "Surprise....???"

J-Do (the blond): *just moving her lips* "We're so sorry...."

CHG(the brunette): *gives her best Kanye shrug*

I was happy to see them because I thought they abandoned the birthday celebration like everyone else did. When we were in our early 20s, I once said to them "we can be in a gutter and still have fun". In this figurative "gutter" I knew as long as they were there (like they always are), things wouldn't be so bad.

The time is 11:OOPM.

There were no one else in the room. No balloons, confetti, noise makers or hats. There was no music playing, no banners, not even a bottle of booze of any kind to drown my sorrows. When I walk up the stairs to the dining room, there is a bowl of spinach dip on a tray with broken up French bread. Sitting beside it was a hot pink sheet cake (my favorite color is yellow) with the words "Happy Birthday" on it in green icing. I have no idea where my mother is at this point, but Bambi's Eyes' mom was just sitting there in her Kente cloth attire just as confused as we were.

Bambi Eyes' Mom: "I thought the theme was supposed to be Africa"

Things come full circle when Bambi eyes BURSTs into tears, again. This time even worse than before. All the while, I'm trying to remain in good spirits and console him at the same damn time.

Supernova: "Ooooooh…..nooooooooo"

Out of the blue, there is a knock at the front door.

My Brain: "Ok so this is it! I knew they wouldn't let me go out like this. The party is about to get started!"

I rush downstairs to open the door. It's my sister-friend from college and last remaining member of the birthday celebration brigade (we'll call her Twizzle).

Twizzle: "Where Err'body at?"

My Brain: "So there was supposed to be an 'everybody'?'"

Bambi Eyes cries even harder....so hard in fact that he can barely get any words out.

Bambi Eyes: "I invited all my friends and your friends here, but nobody showed up!"

More tears.

My Brain: "Well, baby genius......maybe it's because you and my mother invited them to pay for their own meal at a Chinese Buffet in GLEN BURNIE (when there is one literally 5 minutes from my parents house), then required them to travel to and pay for a ticket to an elementary school dance recital in WEST BALTIMORE, AT NIGHT!......THEN requesting that those same people drive back to HARFORD COUNTY from WEST BALTIMORE to indulge in spinach dip and a piece of FUCKING HOT PINK BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!!!"

Me:*pulling Bambi eyes in for a hug* "It's ok, honey."

Twizzle decided it was time to go, which left only me, Bambi Eyes, Supernova, and my dad. I have no idea where my mother is. You know how when your brain tries to protect you from trauma by erasing parts of your memory. I think that's what happened. I just erased her from the rest of my memories of that day to save me from myself. My dad summoned us to downstairs to the family room which ended up being best part of the entire evening.

My Dad: "Hey Sunni....everybody.... come downstairs! I got somethin' to show you"

On the 60 inch projector TV was a video my dad created of photos taken he'd taken of me from a baby (1980) up until 2010, with the song "Sunny" by Bobby Hebb as the soundtrack. Now, I was the one shedding the tears. It was almost like the montage that played it my head on New Year's. Suddenly, I felt a moment of gratitude. I was reminded of how far I had come in my life and how much further I wanted to go. I was thankful for the new chapter of life I was about to embark on and everyone who was supposed to be there with me at that moment was there.

Supernova (myself included) made the best of the rest of the evening, because no matter what, we ALWAYS have fun. They made for me the first dessert I'd had in over a year (warm chocolate chip cookie a la mode) and gave me a few birthday gifts. I decided I wasn't going to let my outfit go completely to to waste so I posed for a few pics, then changed into one of my gifts from CHG- a cute yellow knit dress (I still have it), because she knows me so well.

It's now after Midnight and my birthday is officially over.

The next day, I didn't give myself a chance to think about the day before. I Immediately moved forward with my plans for grown-ass womanhood and went house hunting with my parents and Bambi Eyes. It wasn't until Monday morning that the reality of what transpired crashed down on me like a ton of bricks. I sobbed while I was driving on the way to work as I thought about the whole travesty.

My Brain: "What did i do to deserve that? Does my mother hate me? Wait...does she even know me??? Does she care? How did that happen? Why did that happen? "

I couldn't wrap by head around it, so i stopped trying to. I needed some answers to bring some closure to the whole situation. When I got home from work that day, my mother was sitting in kitchen, eating cherries, and watching the small TV on the counter, unbothered. I approached her as calmly as I could while she was sitting there and asked,

ME: "Mom, what was that all about?"

Mom: "What are you taking about?"

Me: "Ummmm helloooooooo???....My Birthday? You really thought all that was a good idea?"

My father comes in the kitchen, looks at us and shakes his head.

Mom: "Ugh...Well I'm sooo sorry I ruined YOUR birthday!"

She turns back around to continue watching TV, eating her cherries, unbothered. I just stood there for a minute contemplating how I should respond to that. But i didn't respond, I just walked away. My father follows behind me, touches my shoulder and says,

Dad: "I'm sorry baby girl. I tried to tell your mother..."

After that I just let it go and tried to pretend it never happened.

As for Bambi Eyes, I don't think he or his ego ever fully recovered. Our relationship went downhill from there and 6 months later we broke up. I guess he had to navigate his way to grown-ass manhood on his own. His heart was always in the right place, and to this day, he's the only past relationship I've had that I don't regret.

I've heard that 40 is the new 30. God, I hope not! I've still never had the birthday of my dreams. Like my father says, "There's only one alternative to getting older " After all I've been through so far, I'm really just grateful to see another birthday. What has not killed me has definitely made me stronger. I'm proud that survived my 30s, and the lessons that I've learned along the way have made it all worth it. I'm looking forward to what my 40s has in store. There's only a few short months til April and I'll be ready to party like it's 2009.