Stuff My Dad Says...

(So.... I wrote this around Father's Day and just getting the chance to post...Enjoy!)

This past Sunday was Father’s Day, and as I took some time out to rest from a grueling work week, I began to reflect on the impact my father truly has made on me as a human being. I’m one of the fortunate ones whose had a father as permanent fixture in their everyday life since the beginning. I’d be hard pressed to think of a moment when dad hasn’t been there for me when I really needed him. As a former Marine, proud owner of a Harley Davidson, and retired factory worker, he has never been afraid to speak his mind. He’s kicked more knowledge to me and my brothers than anyone else on the plant, which is how it should be I suppose. No, he doesn’t have a bunch of fancy degrees, but what he lacks in formal education he makes up for in just good plain ol’ common sense. And without question is, he is probably the smartest person I know. I can always trust him to give me good, sound, logical advice and whenever I choose not to follow it, I always end up in shit’s creek. When you’re a teen/young adult you think you have it all figured out, but now as a grown woman who has been through some stuff, I can say with absolute conviction that my father is always right. When it comes to giving advice, Confucious ain’t got nothin’ on my dad. So in honor of the past Father’s day, I’m sharing with all of you some his wisdom that’s been bestowed upon me over the years.

…on friendships:

“If you mess with dirty people, you get dirt on you”

At first I interpreted this comment in the literal sense. For instance, If I’m rocking an all-white outfit, surrounding myself with folks who just finished rolling around in mud is not such a good idea if I want to stay fresh-to-def! Such as life. You can’t surround yourself with people who do bad things and expect to not to suffer some of the same consequences. Eventually you will be considered guilty by association or become a victim of their negative/destructive behavior.

“You have no choice in who your family is, but you choose your friends”

We can’t help the family we are born into. Hell, we don’t even choose to be born. But Dad always wanted to point out to us that our friends are an even a bigger reflection of who we are (more so than family) because we actively choose for them to be in our lives.

on deadbeats:

“Somebody with no car always got somewhere to go”

This is can interpreted several different ways. Either you can think it means someone may not have the means just yet, but have the drive (pun intended) to still get where they need to be regardless. Or maybe it could mean, people always want most what they can’t easily have …But Nope! My father was referring to users! Sometimes, it’s the very thing someone lacks they will require in others to pick up their slack on. It simply serves as a warning to beware of those who are self-serving and never obligate myself to help others who won’t help themselves. Some people are perfectly fine with not being responsible especially if they feel they are getting something for nothing.

“People will take advantage of you until YOU get tired. They ain’t never gonna to get tired of gettin’ over.”

No one has ever said to me “Sunni, I’m really tired of using you.” And I’ve never witnessed someone offer to pay for something they’ve been getting for free the entire time. Folks will only abide by the value, standards, and boundaries that I set for myself and I can’t expect others to look out for my best interest if I don’t.

On complaining:

“Take your problems, put them in a bin with everybody else’s, mix them up and then pick at random…I guarantee you’d want your own problems back”

A hard lesson on why it’s important to always express gratitude. There is always someone else worse off than you.

On self-acceptance:

“You’re a big, beautiful woman. You get it from your mother. Everybody ain’t gonna like it and that’s their problem, not yours.”

My father never made me feel bad about being plus size. He understands that some people just are who they are. He wanted me to accept myself regardless of social norms and never let other’s opinion of me determine my worth. Some people just aren’t going to like me, and there doesn’t always need to be reason. What they think of me is none of my business.

“Know who you are and stay true to yourself. People will respect you in the end”

Being a people pleaser will only will make my integrity questionable. If I consistently stick to my guns, stand my ground, and do the right thing, whether folks agree or not, I will always be respected and that’s what’s important.

On finances:

“If someone pulls out a wad of cash, it’s usually all the money they got!”

Credit is everything in America. Dad was making us aware that folks with real money don’t even need or use tangible cash. Nobody needs to know all your business. People who know their true value let their actions do the talking and frivolously exposing your coins makes you look cheap, classless, and insecure.

On race relations:

“Every white person ain’t your enemy and every black person ain’t your friend”

We were raised in a predominately white neighborhood and a lot of family and friends expressed their resentment accused my parents of “trying to be white”. My father stressed the importance of thinking for ourselves and not letting pressure from society, friends, and/or distract us from getting the most out of our childhood experiences. Some of the greatest human beings in my life are white and some of the worst I’ve encountered have been from my own race. Assess everyone individually by their actions and how they treat others. Don’t buy into stereotypes and understand that at the end of the day, it truly comes down to the content of someone’s character regardless of color.

On decision making:

“Every choice you’ve made after 18 is on you”

“You can’t make all the wrong decisions and expect things to turn out right”

Just a good old fashioned reminder that we are responsible for our own happiness!

“The worst thing you can do is nothing”

The lesson: If you at least try and give your best, you won’t have any regrets.

“The sooner you figure out who you are, the better off you’ll be”

This kind of talk goes in one ear and out the other when you’re a kid. But, Now as a grown adult I completely understand what he means. I’m in a much peaceful place now that understand who I am.

On relationships:

“ Sunni, all you really need is a hardworking man who loves you. That’s it. If you have that, everything else will work itself out”

Sounds simple enough, right? But seriously, that’s not easy to come by. I’ve dated a guy who REALLY loved me, but had no ambition or drive. I’ve dated a guy who had an outstanding work ethic, but didn’t love me, (I don’t even think he liked me). I’ve dated a guy who works hard and really liked me a lot (maybe?). And… I ended up marrying someone who pretended to be a hard worker who loved me. Obviously, none of these relationships worked out. Until I get that perfection combination, I’ll just stay single, continue to work hard and love myself.

“You teach people how you treat you”

He never wanted us to wallow in victimhood and understand that others can only do to you what you allow and accept.

on career choices:

“When a mechanic gets sick, he goes to see a doctor. When a doctor’s car breaks down, he goes to a see a mechanic”

Everyone has skills and talents that the next person can benefit from and never look down on another individual for the type of work they do. All honest work is good work and every person’s job should be equally respected, whether they wear a suit and tie to work or a hard hat.

Honorable Mentions:

“Speak up”

My father’s not hard of hearing. He just always made sure we asserted ourselves. He never wanted us to be afraid to say what we need to say and be heard.

“Don’t be so quick to listen to somebody just because they talk the loudest.”

Speaking to the importance of not being a follower and thinking for ourselves.

“When the truth fits, use it!”

A reminder that there is no need to make up unnecessary lies. Honestly truly is the best policy

Self-explanatory Honorable Mentions:

“Ain’t nobody’s ass more important than their own”

“Freedom ain’t free”

“Winners don’t have excuses"

And lastly...on role models:

“My father was a black man born 1901 and raised in a racist Eastern Shore MD, raised 16 children on a 6th grade education… had perfect credit, my mother never worked, we were never hungry, and never on welfare. I don’t have to look too far for a hero.”

Well…apparently, I don’t have to look too far either.